I am going to take this opportunity to be the first, and possibly the last, to propose that we make the Alps one, unified country. As it currently stands, you have the French Alps, the Italian Alps, the Austrian Alps, the Swiss Alps, the German Alps and there is even a mountain range in Kyrgyzstan that claims to be the Alps of Central Asia. It is all just too confusing for those of us who are geographically dumber than a doorknob.

My modest proposal is that we take the Alps and make them into a single country called Alpstan. Or maybe Alpsberg. Or perhaps Alpsmania. Regardless of the name, the Alpsters, for that is what we shall call the inhabitants of Alpsland, will be united around keeping their environment beautiful and their nascent country open to people who love to ski, shop and hike. We’ll also write a law into the constitution that at all times visitors to the Great Land of Alps will have to pay no less than [1] €11 per night for a clean, comfortable and cozy bed in a hotel that is devoid of varmint and other unwelcome pests.

Citizens of Alpsville, are you with me or are you with me?